This Is An Attempt To Be Loved, 1993
Back Cover, vol. 1
Military prison is a good place for breaking myths. At the entrance to the prison all talk of brothers in arms, camaraderie and defense of the country is ended, behind these cliches lies the fact that the IDF is a conscripted army not a volunteer force like the US Army.
So what do you do with those that accentuate the coercion and want out? That’s what military prison is for. The army thought it could turn them into non-combat soldiers of various descriptions to be productive. In many cases they are right, the others learn the hard way about IDF education.
In military prison everything is done to make you the least comfortable. If you need to stand it’s in the sun with a straight back. If you have to answer the commander it’s through shouts for servitude. If you have to walk it’s in a military march so your feet hurt. Military prison doesn’t simply punish by revoking your freedom- as in the army all soldiers have their freedom revoked and are released home for visits like prisoners. The incarceration is a chance to dish out intensive punishment so the soldier learns to prefer his military unit to military prison. That’s why the wardens are as evil as they can be, trying to make each prisoner suffer the most. That is different to a state prison in which the wardens are state employees and their job ends with making sure you don’t escape.
My personal case. I got imprisoned the second time when I was at a mental low. Because of this state I escaped from the army until I returned in even worse condition. For some reason I was left in the emergency ward cage for three days (two over regulation) and the wardens treat all pleads the same way: tomorrow you’ll be transferred then ask. I just wanted someone to listen to me, as I was feeling suicidal. On the third day I bounced off after the tally and demanded they deal with my condition. Within minutes I was in the commander’s office with five soldiers laying it into me with no provocation. I asked the commander that was present what he thinks about prisoner beatings. He said I was not beaten yet but it could happen if I don’t shut it. His deputy nodded in agreement. I wondered “which one of them is just following orders”?
I must admit one of my motivations in life is to take revenge of soldiers that abused me, I really hate them individually and collectively. But this hatred makes me stronger in my struggle for a different future, a future in which people like me, my son perhaps, will not have to face the situations I did. Hatred turns me into a man that can’t be bought or bribed, convinced or subjugated. A hatred stronger than that of the right wingers for peace and human dignity. It’s a hate that shattered every myth, every sacred cow, and every excuse for something sublime. You can fill books with my hatred.
Someone squeaked here that I’m the one to blame for I breached the law and got imprisoned. Too true, I am guilty of not wanting to be like them. In our society he who does not want to be aggressive, powerful and oppressive towards others and other peoples is guilty, and the sentence is never ending.
Content from It’s All Lies